Since I am uncomfortably familiar with balling on a budget, I thought I would share my wisdom I have gained for saving money for the 2-3 people who actually read this. These are mainly for females, but I'm sure you conniving assholes out there can manipulate these tips to your advantage.
#TeamSingle Broke Tip 1: Date about 2-3 different guys, go out on dates 3-4 times a week. That covers 3-4 dinners every week that you won't have to pay for!
Broke Tip 2: For Tip 1 to work, DON'T DATE GUYS WHO ARE AS BROKE/BROKER THAN YOU. Big no no. Just stop.
Broke Tip 3: Break up with all these guys before Christmas. The reasons are obvious.
Broke Tip 4: OR marry the richest guy out of them all and be set for life.
Personally, I am not one who likes to depend on a guy for...well, anything actually. I am a self sufficient woman. A broke, sad, lonely woman, but independent!
Well I suppose I would probably be a smelly scraggly hobbit living under a bridge if it weren't for my dad. So I guess everything I just said there is a lie. I trust ONE guy and am far from self sufficient lololol.
Fuck.
Broke Tip 5: Live at home until you can afford not to.
I should have followed this tip and did not... probably why I'm so good at these broke tips....
My ex used to annoy me because he lived in his parents basement. I'm like you're 23 gtfo. He also annoyed me because he was a pompous egomaniac, who didn't have a car, license, nor the ability to satisfy in bed.
Did I say that? Oops.
Anyway, dating him was like dating a 12-year-old, so I flicked that terd out of my life. But I grew to understand that just because I didn't want to live with my parents doesn't mean other people should not want to save up and stay with theirs, for the time being.
Key words; "for the time being".
My ex was starting to remodel his parents basement to better fit his needs. I'm like ???? save that money and go get your own damn place? What the fuck are you thinking?
If a guy you date is in his early/mid 20s and still lives at home, give him a break.
If he's a 30-year-old dickhead piece of shit and uses his parents basement as a marijuana dispensary, well the hook up can be nice but if he's fully capable of venturing out on his own... what is he waiting for? Let's go.
Sorry, can you tell I know a guy just like that who I hate? Because I do. His whole family is just fucked and I'm not even sure how I got involved in all that.
Alcohol, I blame the alcohol.
I should've stabbed him and buried him in my back yard when I had the chance. Just a horrible human being we don't really need him.
Ok ok ok I would never actually stab and murder someone...at least I wouldn't admit it on here.
All right I am done with him...for this blog anyway.
My mother asked me what I wanted for Christmas the other day.
"Razors...and tampons."
"Do you want me to individually wrap each tampon?" she asked.
"Nah... you can if you want but I'm just gonna stick it in my vagina so -"
"Oh my god that's sick! I can't believe you're my daughter."
I gave her a sideways glance.
"Ok, maybe I can."
But I mean it's the truth, and they're already individually wrapped amirite?
Winter drinking hack: gloves can double as beer cozies.
Cheers
-Kladge/Mean drunk witch
Next blog I'll explain the mean drunk witch name sake ;)
