Give me a break! I am sick of all these Christmas curmudgeons all pissed off about anything Christmas happening before Thanksgiving.
Do you pay attention to life? It sucks ass! If I died and went to hell I would be sitting at work like I am right now.
Ok perhaps not, the point is that Christmas is fucking great. Screw everyone who gets all Grinch/Scrooge/Simon Cowell about Christmas. It's the one time of year we can be selfless, make others happy, relax, be cozy, get drunk with family, the list goes on. Christmas is a jovial bright happy musical majestic holiday. And if I want to decorate November 1st so what!!! Why are we minimizing the time we celebrate Christmas?
Shit I'd rather put my tree up November 1st and be holly jolly as fuck all the way until New Years than be all like "wah wait til Thanksgiving" and be one of THOSE that goes out shopping on Black Thanksgiving (which it totally is now, you can't deny it. Stores are open on Thanksgiving day WTF).
Let me listen to my damn music and hang my damn lights and stockings and whatever the fuck I want. They are decorations, they don't need to personally offend you.
My dad got upset that my ringtone was All I Want for Christmas is You. I'm like are you for real? I've worked for your Christmas lighting business since I could crack open a beer are you shitting me? It's your fault I even like Christmas this much. We start the season in August - maybe my tree should go up then? For fuck's sake, and for the record, my tree isn't even up yet.
Don't you hate it when you go to the store and you buy something, like a Christmas tree, and the box shows this succulent, gorgeous tree and you're like shit yeah ok. Take it home and like it's a bundle of sticks. And you're looking at these sticks like...what are thooooooose. No idea how these green twigs are going to look like any sort of tree. Nothing wrong with a Charlie Brown tree except that I paid for this luscious looking mother fucker on the box. False advertising!! Or maybe that's what I get for getting a Christmas tree at Dollar General.
Anyway....
I'm not trying to negate Thanksgiving by going straight from Halloween to Christmas. I love Thanksgiving, and the squash, stuffing, pumpkin pie, cranberries, turkey, champagne, and whatever the fuck else people eat/drink on Thanksgiving, it's great! I got my little Santa decorations up with my pumpkin decorations - bitch, WHAT?! Thanksgiving is the tits; I love a good food coma by the fire place, feeding my cat scraps of turkey, and listening to my parents argue. Togetherness with family, whether good or bad, is familiar. And familiar is comforting. And that's why I love the holidays.
Winter is cold and bleak and as soon as the holidays are over we have 2-3 months of dead, frozen, tundra to look forward to. I will milk this time of year for as much as it's worth. And if you say shit to me about it I'll strangle you with a string of lights.
Merry fucking Christmas.
11/17/2015
"I don't hate you because you're fat. You're fat because I hate you."
I had mistakenly assumed I had fulfilled my car accident quota for the next ten years. More like the next month. Watch out for the deer out there my fellow Michiganders - they are little shit fuckers. I think I hit the biggest effin hulk-deer in all Washtenaw County. Aaaaand my insurance claimed my car as totaled - so I'm just a pro at totaling cars. So if you ever need pointers, I'm your lady!
FML.
Winter brings the deer and the cold and I am over these little antlered terds running amok. Get out of the fucking road! How many thousands of deer must be hit by cars til yall learn that roads are dangerous? Stupid deer! I thought evolution was a thing! Why are the deer still retarded? Get your shit together.
And thus ends my irrational "I hate deer" rant. I used to be sad for deer being hunted this time of year.
Now I'm like kill them all.
I heard bad things happen in 3's and I'm like omg no! Stop! God or whoever is up there just stop already - give me a fucking break. If I was anxious about driving after my first accident, now I wanna poop my pants every time I get in the driver's seat. Well that's either the anxiety or the shit ton of coffee I drink every day.
Now that I am thousands of dollars in debt, I feel I'm finally learning how to not waste my money on clothes and booze all the damn time. My parents, worried about my finances, asked me if I had a drug problem.
LOL. Wut
I'm just irresponsible and drink like it's my job. And it's not a drug problem - it's a drug solution. My parent's don't know shit.
I don't know if their inquiry was 100% serious, but it gave me a good chuckle.
Maybe if I sold drugs I wouldn't be so damn broke all the time.
I can't believe I've racked up over a grand on my Cabelas credit card. That's right - Cabelas, because in my town, you're pretty much forced to have one to live here. My coworker and I chortled over the idea of every new born in my little hick town automatically getting a Cabelas card.
We love camo and guns and drinkin beer and fuck you!!
Lol idk, I can make fun of it all I want but I do love it out here. I much prefer the quiet country over the hectic city. I need all the space I can get for my drugs and gun and car accidents and you know.
I'm just winning at life.
My friend told me I had such bad luck, the only thing good in my life were my looks. I guess it's pretty accurate.
Trying to figure out if I have anything else to vent about. I feel like that's all I do on here.
My coworker just asked me about a patient, "why don't you date him? Or is he too young for you?"
I replied, "it's not so much age...but more that he has a penis. I hate everyone - I'm gonna be asexual."
She laughed but I'm almost serious. Fuck this dating shit, bring on the cats. That's right, no shame in being the crazy cat lady. Honestly think it's my calling. Cats need love too!
Whatever, I hate everything.
Cheers!
Kladge
FML.
Winter brings the deer and the cold and I am over these little antlered terds running amok. Get out of the fucking road! How many thousands of deer must be hit by cars til yall learn that roads are dangerous? Stupid deer! I thought evolution was a thing! Why are the deer still retarded? Get your shit together.
And thus ends my irrational "I hate deer" rant. I used to be sad for deer being hunted this time of year.
Now I'm like kill them all.
I heard bad things happen in 3's and I'm like omg no! Stop! God or whoever is up there just stop already - give me a fucking break. If I was anxious about driving after my first accident, now I wanna poop my pants every time I get in the driver's seat. Well that's either the anxiety or the shit ton of coffee I drink every day.
Now that I am thousands of dollars in debt, I feel I'm finally learning how to not waste my money on clothes and booze all the damn time. My parents, worried about my finances, asked me if I had a drug problem.
LOL. Wut
I'm just irresponsible and drink like it's my job. And it's not a drug problem - it's a drug solution. My parent's don't know shit.
I don't know if their inquiry was 100% serious, but it gave me a good chuckle.
Maybe if I sold drugs I wouldn't be so damn broke all the time.
I can't believe I've racked up over a grand on my Cabelas credit card. That's right - Cabelas, because in my town, you're pretty much forced to have one to live here. My coworker and I chortled over the idea of every new born in my little hick town automatically getting a Cabelas card.
We love camo and guns and drinkin beer and fuck you!!
Lol idk, I can make fun of it all I want but I do love it out here. I much prefer the quiet country over the hectic city. I need all the space I can get for my drugs and gun and car accidents and you know.
I'm just winning at life.
My friend told me I had such bad luck, the only thing good in my life were my looks. I guess it's pretty accurate.
Trying to figure out if I have anything else to vent about. I feel like that's all I do on here.
My coworker just asked me about a patient, "why don't you date him? Or is he too young for you?"
I replied, "it's not so much age...but more that he has a penis. I hate everyone - I'm gonna be asexual."
She laughed but I'm almost serious. Fuck this dating shit, bring on the cats. That's right, no shame in being the crazy cat lady. Honestly think it's my calling. Cats need love too!
Whatever, I hate everything.
Cheers!
Kladge
11/02/2015
Wondering if I need to change my blog name if I'm no longer single
...nahhhhh
I have recently embarked on a impromptu experiment. Completely by mistake. I had previously wondered what it would be like, being a 20-something-year-old in 2015, and NOT have a cell phone.
Not that I would ever purposefully follow through with such ponderings, but my forgetfulness had something else in mind.
Airports are a shit show for my anxiety. I was being dropped off at the ATL airport and, unfortunately for me, I left my phone in my friends car. That was Monday - it is now Friday, and I still don't have my phone.
So far I have survived. I'm the girl at the bar, taking selfies with my MacBook, (hand-outstretched, the whole sha-bang. I looked really cool too). I'm utilizing various forms of communication outside of texting; Twitter message, Facebook chat, Gmail (yes, I'm actually emailing again! I feel like it's 2002).
I carry around my MacBook like it's 1993 with one of those huge ass car phones like they had in the movie Wall Street or some shit. I don't have GPS or the weather forecast when driving. I was driving into this storm the other day like, "Damn that looks dark...October is too late for tornadoes, right? I fuckin hope so." Praying ol' Twisty doesn't come blow me away.
Wow I just ate this Tootsie roll, and I think it's been sitting in this drawer for 2 years, gross.
Whatever I'm hungry.
Speaking of food, last Thursday I flew down to ATL, and I was like whatever, just eat 2 medibles, fuck it.
It was around the time we were taxiing, about to take off, that it hit me how high I actually was. Appropriate, not only was I physically high but also mentally. Can't decide if it was the best or worse idea. I have an irrational fear of flying, and on the way to ATL I was very calm, relaxed. On the way home, however, I was anxious and tense, which probably had a lot to do with my misplaced cell phone and less with the medibles (what else am I supposed to do in an airport, with no phone, NOT eat 13 medibles? Give me a break).
I didn't eat 13 in one setting, just FYI. That would be fucked.
-Kladge
I have recently embarked on a impromptu experiment. Completely by mistake. I had previously wondered what it would be like, being a 20-something-year-old in 2015, and NOT have a cell phone.
Not that I would ever purposefully follow through with such ponderings, but my forgetfulness had something else in mind.
Airports are a shit show for my anxiety. I was being dropped off at the ATL airport and, unfortunately for me, I left my phone in my friends car. That was Monday - it is now Friday, and I still don't have my phone.
So far I have survived. I'm the girl at the bar, taking selfies with my MacBook, (hand-outstretched, the whole sha-bang. I looked really cool too). I'm utilizing various forms of communication outside of texting; Twitter message, Facebook chat, Gmail (yes, I'm actually emailing again! I feel like it's 2002).
I carry around my MacBook like it's 1993 with one of those huge ass car phones like they had in the movie Wall Street or some shit. I don't have GPS or the weather forecast when driving. I was driving into this storm the other day like, "Damn that looks dark...October is too late for tornadoes, right? I fuckin hope so." Praying ol' Twisty doesn't come blow me away.
Wow I just ate this Tootsie roll, and I think it's been sitting in this drawer for 2 years, gross.
Whatever I'm hungry.
Speaking of food, last Thursday I flew down to ATL, and I was like whatever, just eat 2 medibles, fuck it.
It was around the time we were taxiing, about to take off, that it hit me how high I actually was. Appropriate, not only was I physically high but also mentally. Can't decide if it was the best or worse idea. I have an irrational fear of flying, and on the way to ATL I was very calm, relaxed. On the way home, however, I was anxious and tense, which probably had a lot to do with my misplaced cell phone and less with the medibles (what else am I supposed to do in an airport, with no phone, NOT eat 13 medibles? Give me a break).
I didn't eat 13 in one setting, just FYI. That would be fucked.
-Kladge
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